Bitter

Bruises

It’s funny how a simple sentence can make you feel bad. Typed or uttered. A conversation that was supposed to be fun and engaging suddenly punched your heart, making it heavy and bruise-friendly. Good thing is, bruises heal and last for only a while. It will not leave a mark and the impact is weak, as if the pain was barely there. It’s forgettable. And that’s just how I like it.

Bruises in my heart, like a foolish kind of happiness, make me think and question myself. Why was I bruised? Did I do something wrong? Am I too sensitive? (I’m not, believe me.) Or am just thinking that I’m the victim when it’s really the other way around?

Oh gosh it’s complicated.

What I also don’t get is how I accept these bruises, how I embrace them. Maybe because they push me to a better state than where I was aka becoming a better version of myself. Or maybe because being in pain, no matter how little that is, gives me strength and compels me to be more alive, or to live more in the way I want.

Yeah. I’m asking questions I already know the answers to. Coz I feel like it. Coz that’s what I wanna do right now, in my life. Sometimes, having a messy mind is fine. And I mean it when I say sometimes you know. And let me use this term today so as to end this post, sorrynotsorry.

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