Poetry

detachment

But in time
you’d understand
what kept me
from falling.

The wind
stopped blowing
for some time.

I walked away
tired and hopeless
from the edge
of the precipice.

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Poetry

live with lies

My throat hurts
so bad,
I can’t speak.

A big chunk of fear
blocking the way,
preventing courage
to pass by
and push honesty
outside.

My throat hurts
so bad,
I have to lie.

I push honesty aside.

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Strange

Inks and Pain

It has become unusually harder for me to create bittersweet stories which evoke a bit of melancholia ever since pain stopped knocking on my heart.

I am questioning myself if I could still feel something, anything—anger, bitterness, frustration, shame, love, sadness—towards some certain people in my life and how important that emotion is in our relationship, but I’m afraid at times I feel empty because there is nothing to feel.

I oppose being empty, my mind resists engaging at the very thought of it, my heart stubbornly refuses to believe it is real, that it could happen, especially to me.

I who have joined the bandwagon of cold people claiming they have empty hearts when they are really just lonely. I who turned sadness into art whenever tears reach the tip of my tongue, or even when tears haven’t come. I who became overly familiarized with pain that I recognize it in other people’s eyes and understand it with my heart. I who thinks of welcoming pain again in my life, just so I could divert my attention in feeling nothing when there could be everything, or even just a thing.

The rain used to make my ink bleed with pain, now I’m asking pain to make my ink bleed when it rains.

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Strange

I know what you did last December

To the one who liked me,

I know what you did last December. You hugged me, we were sleeping next to each other. I let you, I was trying to feel if my heart will waver.

But your hand on my stomach didn’t even make the butterflies come out, your breath on my head didn’t even bring any shiver down.

Swallowing for air, both of us are aware. Awake and aware. Pretending to sleep, we decided not to care.

In case you’re reading, I apologize for having written this down to paper. It’s just hard to ignore the words once they appear in front of you and make you remember. But I guess it’s not hard to ignore this particular letter, just like how we ignored what you did last December.

From the girl who liked another man

P.S. Some details are tweaked for privacy purposes. 

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Bitter

seasons of hearts

The clouds are gray, the wind is gushing, and the rain is seeking attention again. Much like how my heart has been throughout this year. If the seasons are an indication of how my heart will be, spring should be next to winter.

But darling, global warming is real, and it might take my heart forever.

Daily Post’s Hopeful.

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Sweet

Emotions Don’t Last

For two consecutive years, the top post of my blog remains the same: Unconscious Love. While I see no problem in that, it’s a little troubling to think how people led them there: by searching ‘sad couple’ on the internet.

The featured photo I used for the post is simply named ‘sad couple’ and mistakenly linking it to the source didn’t prevent it from getting the attention it currently enjoys. One look at my search engine stats and you’ll think that there’s a lot of people who are sad, as the top fifteen searches managed to have the word ‘sad’ in it. But then again most of my posts have a hint of sadness, so it’s no wonder I’m attracting all the brokenhearted, miserable, rejected, unhappy ones and all the synonyms of a sad person you can think of.

Yes, it’s a little troubling that all these people are sad, but sadness is an emotion and emotions don’t last, they constantly change and shape us to become the person we are supposed to be. I only hope that, through my blog, people will realize they are not alone in this world, that someone from another country shares the same pain they have, and that we will all get through, always.

Now going back to Unconscious Love, I remembered asking: Are we really capable of loving someone unconsciously? To which I have long found the answer. (Bear in mind that I’m talking about romance.)

We are not capable of loving someone unconsciously. We feel it; we are aware when it’s starting to grow in our hearts and mess with our mind and our life in general. We know it coz we start to look at someone in a very special (and weird) way. We simply recognize love and all of us are conscious when it comes to it. Because love just is.

Discover Challenge: Hope Gone Viral

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Strange

fade and vanish

Flee—it has become the word that her heart has been pumping. To run away, fade, and vanish.

Ambitions turn into demons controlling the mind, dreams are screaming where are we going with this life?

Fade and vanish. Away from this free world prisoning her to live the way she likes. 

And maybe die. 

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